Rogue Writes Volume 4

Beyond the Glow: Talking About Suicide and Parenthood

September is Suicide Prevention Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness, reducing stigma, and sharing resources with those affected by suicide. The month was first declared in 2008, and while conversations around suicide have grown, it remains one of the leading causes of death for people ages 15 to 29.

Less commonly talked about, suicide is also one of the leading causes of death in the perinatal period (while pregnant or during the first year after giving birth). Research suggests it accounts for nearly 23 percent of deaths during this time.

The Hidden Reality of the Perinatal Period

In an age of social media, we are often shown an image of pregnancy and postpartum that glows with joy, smiles, and cuddles. The stark contrast of what many new parents actually experience, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts, or images of self-harm, does not fit into this fairytale.

This narrative of the “happiest time of our lives” can cause harm. It silences honest conversation, increases feelings of isolation, and leaves struggling parents feeling broken because their experience does not match the glossy picture they were promised.

It is time to end the romanticization of the perinatal period. Instead, let’s be honest, the perinatal period can be beautiful, and it can be brutal, it can be joyful, and it can be lonely.

During my own postpartum period, I struggled with intrusive thoughts. I was so afraid to speak about it because I thought people would assume I was unwell and take away my baby. I felt alone in my thoughts, and until I learned what intrusive thoughts were, I thought something was wrong with me, that I was not fit to be a mother.

I now know how common these experiences can be, and how healing it is to have them named, normalized, and held with compassion instead of fear and silence.

Remembering Flora

Part of my advocacy is connected to the story of Flora, a Toronto mother who died by suicide in 2021 due to undiagnosed postpartum psychosis. Her story is a heartbreaking reminder of what can happen when perinatal mental health struggles go unrecognized. Flora’s family and community have since worked tirelessly to raise awareness, and initiatives like Flora’s Walk continue to spread her legacy and open conversations about perinatal mental health.

Flora’s story is not an isolated one, and it is why breaking the silence matters.

The Risk Beyond the First Months

When we check in on new parents, it often happens within the first three months of a baby’s life, the period we assume to be the most overwhelming. But some research shows the risk of suicide actually increases around nine to twelve months postpartum.

Though there is not research on why this is the case, I have thoughts. In those early months, support is more available: family and friends want to visit, health care appointments are frequent, and community resources may be more accessible. As time goes on, however, the support often fades. Parents are expected to have “figured it out.” This transition into quieter months can increase isolation, and with it, distress.

What we know from research on perinatal mood and anxiety disorders is that support is one of the most protective factors. This support can look like:

• Emotional support from family, friends, or peer support groups.

• Practical support like childcare or help with daily tasks.

• Professional support such as counselling or medical care.

Without these connections, the weight of intrusive thoughts and difficult feelings can grow heavier, increasing risk.

Common Misconceptions About Suicide

• “Talking about suicide will put the idea in someone’s head.”
  False. Open conversations reduce stigma, validate pain, and provide relief. Talking about suicide does not increase the risk; it can actually lower it.

• “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
  Fear of saying the wrong thing often stops people from speaking up, but holding space is powerful. Even imperfect words can break the silence and reduce shame.

• “If I ask, then it is on me to keep them safe.”

  This is a heavy burden to carry, and the truth is, no one person can hold that responsibility alone. Sometimes people believe that if they ask about suicidal thoughts, they must also make sure the person does not die. But you are not responsible for someone else’s actions. What you can do is listen, offer support, and encourage them to reach professional help. If someone shares that they are at risk, you can help them connect with crisis services, or in urgent cases, call for medical or emergency support together.

• “Suicidal thoughts mean someone wants to die.”
  Not always. Sometimes suicidal ideation reflects a deep desire to end pain, not life itself. In the perinatal period, intrusive thoughts are common and frightening. These do not make someone a bad parent, but a struggling one. Compassion and understanding go further than judgment.

• “They are always smiling, so they must be fine.”
  False. A person can hold joy and despair at the same time. Never assume based on appearances.

What Not to Say

It is tempting to try to cheer someone up, but certain phrases can feel dismissive:

• “But you have a healthy baby.”

• “Others have it worse.”

• “Just think positive.”

• “You will get over it.”

These comments, though well-meaning, can increase shame and isolation. Instead, offer validation: “That sounds really hard. I am here with you.”

What You Can Do

• Check in. If you are worried, be direct: “Sometimes when people struggle, they think about suicide. Is this something you are experiencing?”

• Offer to listen. You do not need to fix it. Listening and holding space is powerful.

• Know the numbers. In Canada, you can call or text 988 for immediate support.

Resources

• Suicide Crisis Helpline
  988.ca
  Call: 988
  Text: 988

• Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)
  Find Help

• Postpartum Support International (PSI)
  www.postpartum.net
  Call: 1-800-944-4773
  Text: “Help” to 800-944-4773

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, intrusive images, or self-harm urges, you are not broken. You are not alone. Reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness but of courage. Healing is possible, and there are people ready to walk beside you through it.