Rogue Writes Volume 3

Dad's Mental Health: The Unseen Struggles of New and Expecting Fathers

Typically, when we think of pregnancy or postpartum, first our focus is on the baby, then on the birthing parent. But the experience of pregnancy, birth and early parenthood is also often experienced by a partner, or father, who is going through this transition as well. Though their experience might not be as widely discussed, it’s no less present. As we honour Men's Mental Health Awareness Month and prepare for Father's Day, it feels especially important to shine a light on fathers and their mental health in the perinatal period.

Last year, I wrote a blog about pregnancy loss and the often-overlooked grief of fathers. This year, I want to expand the focus. What happens to dads during the entire perinatal period, from the moment the pregnancy test turns positive through to the blurry, sleep-deprived days of early parenthood? How do they cope, what are the risks, and why aren't we talking about it more?

The Silent Struggle: Paternal Mental Health in the Perinatal Period

Although postpartum depression is widely recognized in mothers, it is still often overlooked of when it affects fathers. Research has found that approximately 1 in 10 new fathers experience symptoms of postpartum depression, and up to 18% experience symptoms of perinatal anxiety. Similar to the maternal experiences, fathers may feel overwhelming sadness, anxiety, fatigue, or difficulty bonding with the baby. However, because societal expectations around masculinity tend to discourage emotional expression, these symptoms may show up differently in men. Instead of appearing withdrawn or tearful, fathers might show signs of irritability, anger, increased substance use, or risk-taking behaviour. In some cases, men might become less engaged, quietly withdrawing from their partners, children, and support systems.

As I’ve written before, there is no universal standard for perinatal mental health care in Canada. Screening for mental health struggles is not mandatory for birthing people, making it even less likely that fathers will be assessed or offered support. If the mother is experiencing symptoms of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, the partner is at an increased risk. Other factors, such as a history of depression, relationship stress, financial pressure, or lack of social support, also elevate the risk.

Even if a father does notice that they are struggling, there is a strong and often unspoken stigma that prevents many fathers from reaching out for support. New dads are expected to be steady, supportive, and grateful, even while they are trying to navigate identity changes, sleep deprivation, and the emotional weight of new responsibilities. Unlike birthing parents, fathers are rarely asked about their feelings, and when they do struggle, they may question whether their experience is valid. Admitting to sadness, anxiety, or disconnection can feel like a personal failure. This fear and shame can keep many men silent, suffering quietly instead of seeking help.

Different, Not Lesser

It’s important when we are discussing the experiences of new dads to distinguish that they are different than the experience of new moms, but they should not be seen as less important. Because we first associate the perinatal mental load with the birthing parent, the fathers' experiences may be diminished, minimized, or even dismissed. Many fathers I've worked with describe feeling uncertain of how to support their partner or bond with their baby. When they express to others that they are having a hard time, they are sometimes met with well-meaning, but ultimately unhelpful, reassurances like “You just have to be strong for her.”

This response can leave fathers feeling isolated, ashamed, or confused. Instead of reaching out for support, they may internalize their struggles, leaning into other, often unhealthy, ways to cope. But unspoken doesn’t mean unfelt. Suppressing these emotions can lead to longer-term issues, including persistent anxiety, depression, or relationship strain.

What Fathers Need

Fathers need a safe space to feel, a space to grieve, a space to learn what kind of parent they want to be. They also need recognition. Becoming a new parent is a massive transition and identity shift, one that deserves validation and support. Here are a few ways we can show up for fathers during the perinatal period:

.             Normalize asking dads how they're doing. Not just how the baby or their partner is, but how     they are coping.

.             Open communication between partners. Honest conversations about fears, identity shifts, and needs can strengthen relationships and reduce emotional isolation.

.             Promote professional support. Therapy isn't just for moms. Fathers benefit from individual therapy, couples counselling, and group support too. Counsellors trained in perinatal mental health can help fathers explore identity, process complex emotions, and learn coping strategies.

.             Support peer networks. Spaces like support groups for dads, particularly after loss or during early parenthood, offer a sense of community and normalization.

.             Challenge gender norms. Holding space for emotional vulnerability in men is a radical, necessary act. When we allow fathers to feel, we also model emotional literacy for the next generation.

A New Approach for Father's Day

As we near Father's Day, we usually celebrate dads with cards, BBQs, or jokes about silly ties, socks and lawn mowers. But what if we also honoured their inner experience? What if we took this moment to check in with the new dad who's struggling to connect, the grieving father who lost a pregnancy last fall, or the soon-to-be dad feeling anxious and unsure?

Fathers are not invisible in the perinatal period. Their experience is deeply human, and it matters. As a society, we need to expand our definition of care to include them. By normalizing paternal mental health challenges, advocating for screening and support, and listening with compassion, we create space for healing.

Because every parent, regardless of gender, deserves support. And every baby deserves a father who feels seen, held, and whole.

Your experience matters, too. If you're a father struggling with the transition into parenthood or coping with perinatal loss, I’d be honoured to support you. Reach out to begin working together.